Thinking...

I chatted with a friend on msn last night. I always believed that sharing our thoughts and feelings can help lessen our burdens although sometimes the one listening may not be able to offer any practical help at all. But my friend said something that sets me thinking the whole night before falling asleep. He's right to say that by sharing his deepest thoughts, he'll be opening up his heart to me and there's a risk for him to fall for me. So he'll rather continue to have me as a friend rather than losing one (cos I will avoid him if he does fall for me). Haha.

Also, by sharing too much, there will be a dependency on me. How true. I never want my friends to depend too much on me.. Especially my guy friends. Then I thought about my ex-CG and I realised that this might be the mistake that I've never noticed all along. Being a CGL (previously) gave me the privilege to be a listening ear as well as someone that my members can trust. Unknowingly, I've caused some to open their hearts to me and maybe even fall for me. So instead of loving God and depending on Him, they loved me and depended on me more. Maybe that's why they stopped walking with God.

As much as I want to help, I guess I need to protect all my friends as well as myself. I guess sometimes it's really not up to us to help. Although I really feel that guys will not want to listen/will not be able to help their fellow brothers in their problems, I need to exercise wisdom when sticking my nose into other people's problems again.

I'm apprehensive about integrating male friends into the kingdom of God now. There are more things to consider. I'm frustrated because no one else, especially the guys, are doing it, so I did what needs to be done. The end result, I hurt others as well as myself. I guess this was what happened to me and my ex. I need God's wisdom to illuminate my mind and set me free from this fear. Can the brothers rise up and do more?

*Guard our hearts with all diligence, for out of it springs the issues of life!